Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
