I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
