We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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