Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
