matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
