Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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