we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How does one acquire holy water?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
