i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
