I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
