Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
