you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
