ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
