remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize