i barfeds in our rink
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
