When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
