i was born a porn star she said
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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