Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
