So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
operation harelip BJ is a go
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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