maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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