I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
