5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
