I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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