all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
