His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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