dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
