Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
