WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
did i walk over a car last night?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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