i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
try to milk me bitch
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
