She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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