So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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