I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
