I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
