Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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