the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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