so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
