So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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