a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
