Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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