im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
