Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
