Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
