walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
