My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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