a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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