If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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