I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
