oh god the rape fog is back!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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