Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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