Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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