You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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