Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
