there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
