my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize