He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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