i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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