The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
