love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
