So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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