do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
