I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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