Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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