just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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