you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
