I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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