I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
