You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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