Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
