8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This beer is not sobering me up at all
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
