Slut skills are useful in every country.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
